Is it possible to get medication for Nosebleeds?
by Seiy
Summary: TONS of Wufei bashing. 1x2,3x4. Lots of nosebleeds. Rated for some strong language and umm... other stuff. Reviews are appreciated. Disclaimer in the second chapter, we kinda forgot! Pretty pointless, poking fun at Wufei and contains an overly childi
1. Episode One- UnLucky

Rated: R (Yaoi; 1+2, 3+4, Wufei bashing)  
  
Heero and Duo: *walk hand and hand into the kitchen*  
  
Wufei:*mumbling* why in the hell do I get stuck cooking for you wussies?  
  
Duo:*blushes*  
  
Heero:*snaps* we were busy!  
  
Quatre:*runs into room holding finger and sees Wufei* I got a paper cut   
*jumps up and down* owwie  
  
Wufei:*slams pots and pans like a women* I can't take much more of   
this! *points finger at Quatre* I am not your mother DAMMIT! Go ask Trowa to kiss it and make it all better!  
  
Quatre:Oh! *giggles* Why didn't I think of that *walks out of room while mumbling* maybe I'll get lucky.  
  
Duo:*turns to Heero* Aww, he can be cute... SOMETIMES!  
  
Heero:...  
  
Trowa:*Walks into the kitchen from other entrance* Isn't breakfast about ready?  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE! Here's your breakfast your HINEY! *goes to smack down   
a pan on the table but misses and smacks his hand, he starts jumping up and down, while screaming like a woman*  
  
Duo: Wow Wufei looks like it hurt. Want me to kiss it and make it better?  
  
Wufei:*jumps towards Duo only to land flat on his back from a melted stick of dropped butter* INJUSTICE  
  
Trowa:*picks up a paper and begins to read*  
  
Quatre:*comes in nearly in tears* You guys, i think I lost Trowa he's not where I let him...*see's Trowa* Oh! There you are!  
  
Heero:Quatre has a papercut.  
  
Quatre: I do? Oh yea! It hurts like a bitch! Kiss it and make it better Trowa!  
  
Wufei:*attempts to stand up and immediatly slips back down to his former position on his back* Injustice...Damn butter!  
  
Duo: Gee I wonder how it got there?  
  
Wufei: I seem to remember someone come in and melt butter for no apparant reason!  
  
Duo: Oh really? Who was that?  
  
Wufei: You baka, and then you dropped it and left it neglectedly on the floor!  
  
Duo: Well if SOMEONE hadn't threatened my braid with a sword and tried to kill me I wouldn't have dropped it!  
  
Heero: So that's when you ran back into our room without the butter!  
  
Duo: Yeah and it fucking hurt too! *rubs his ass with his hand*  
  
Wufei:*reaches for a nearby kleenex box, but finds he is still on the floor and cannot reach it*  
  
Trowa:*without looking up from the paper throws a kleenex box at Wufei*  
  
Wufei:*unexpectedly finds a kleenex box flying through the air and forgets to react. The kleenex box hits him square in the nose*  
  
Duo:*winces* Gee Wufei your reaction time is as bad as a woman's, pregnant at that!  
  
Wufei:*jumps up to grab Duo, only to skid by Duo and out of the kitchen while screaming* INJUSTICE!!!  
  
Heero:*call's out* Don't forget you damn kleenex! *hurls it at Wufei only to hit him in the back of the head*  
  
Quatre: Trowa are you going to kiss my paper cut or not?  
  
Trowa: Damn, yea but I was thinking of ah...something else.*Drags Quatre out of the room. Both step on Wufei on their way to a more private place*  
  
Wufei: Ow! Injustice!  
  
Quatre: Oops *Giggles* sorry Wufei!  
  
Duo:*looks over at Heero and whimpers* Come on Heero I'm already hard!  
  
Heero:*edges around the table away from Duo's view mentally cursing his spandex pants*  
  
Wufei: I heard that Duo! Damn another nosebleed! *grabs half of the kleenex box and stuffs it in his face* If this keeps up I'll pass out from bloodloss and then die because no one gives a flying fuck about ~me~!  
  
Duo:*runs into room where Wufei is sitting on the floor and kneels* Aww Wufei we love you too! *proceeds to give Wufei a hug*  
  
Wufei: Damn now I have a river of blood running out of my nose! Get the bloody hell a way from me!  
  
Heero:*squats next to Wufei* I think you need medication for those nosebleeds  
  
Wufei: Medication is for women!  
  
Duo: Well I suggest you get a sex change operation cause you need some medication. Losing that much blood nearly everyday can't be healthy!  
  
Heero: Naw, he deoesn't need a sex change, just needs to change his mind because everything he's afraid of, he can't do because it's for women!  
  
Wufei: I'm not afraid of anything  
  
Heero: Wanna make a bet? When was the last time you were on an escalator?  
  
Wufei: Um... Well, I l-like t-taking the stairs...y-you get m-more exercise t-that way...  
  
Heero:*snorts and drags Duo towards their room*  
  
Duo:*stops Heero and runs back to Wufei* Do you have any lotion? Cause it really hurt last time without.  
  
Wufei:*finally passes out from blood loss*  
  
Duo:*Shrugs and runs back into the kitchen retruning with some butter* Close enough  
  
Heero:*grins evilly*  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Duo: That was fun!  
Quatre:*snickers* gotta do that more often.  
Wufei: Why am I always getting picked on?  
Heero: Do we have to answer that?  
Trowa: Hell yea! I'll tell why, Wufei's a woman!  
Wufei: WHAT!?  
Trowa: *running from Wufei and his sword of Justice* IT'S TRUE!!! 


	2. Episode Two- Journey to the Hospital, an...

Five hours later  
----------------------------------  
*Heero and Duo walk out of the room and see Wufei lying in his puddle of blood*  
  
Heero: Damn, I knew we shouldn't have left him alone. One more hour and he would have drowned.  
  
Duo: Oh well. It was fun.  
  
*Trowa and Quatre walk out of a different room*  
  
Quatre: OMG! What happened to Wufei? Is he dead? Is he breathing? OMG OMG OMG*continues OMG-ing and running in circles*  
  
Heero:*turns to Trowa. If you don't shut him up I'm going to kill him!  
  
Trowa:...*turns to Quatre and when Quatre runs by Trowa punches him in the jaw shutting him up*  
  
Quatre:*stopsyelling but continues running in ever shrinking circles*  
  
*Heero walks over to Quatre and kicks his legs out from underneath him so that Quatre is running in a circle on his side*  
  
Duo: What should we do with girlie boy? *nodding towards the boy in a puddle of his own blood*  
  
Heero:*shrugs* guess we could take somewhere.  
  
Duo: Like where?  
  
Heero: Sally? *grins evilly*  
  
Trowa: *shudders violently* I guess so  
  
Heero: *picks up Wufei and throws him at Trowa* He's all yours now, I take Dipshit, *gesturing to the ever-revolving blonde idiot* over bleeding nose boy.  
  
Trowa:*steps back away from the flying Wufei, letting him smack his head loudly on the floor and his body land with a thud*  
  
Wufei: *groans and has a splitting headache* Damn! INJUSTICE!  
  
Heero: What is injustice now, Prettyboy?  
  
Wufei: ummmm......I don't know yet...but it was bad...and wasn't pleasent! Is my nose sttiiilll bleeding? *looks down at the floor and screams like a woman* EeeKK!  
  
Trowa: *shakes head as if to get rid of a bad sound* Damn Wufei do you have to scream soo shrilly  
I mean geez give my eardrums a break!  
  
Heero: what a little woman!  
  
Wufei: can someone take me to Sally? I think I need help. *weeping loudly, like a woman*  
  
Duo:*walks back in the hall and opens a closet with a stock pile of kleenex boxes (economy sized, of course) grabs two and walks back to Wufei, hands him one box and rips open the other spreading kleenex around the blood pool trying to sop up the blood* Hey Wuffie I will take you to see Sally!  
  
Heero: NO! I mean NO you don't even have a car! and Mine is in the shop from the last time you wrecked it!  
  
Duo: Aww, Heero it wasn't my fault! The tree just... was... there!  
  
Heero: Let me guess the tree came right up to you and said 'hit me now!' and you said 'what have you gone crazy?' and someone else says something and the tree says 'hurry up' and you say 'okay' and let it have it!   
  
Duo: Yep! That's pretty much it!  
  
Heero: of course the tree did more damage to my *sniffle* once beatiful car than you did to it!  
  
Duo: Weren't my fault it threw a fucking mango at me!  
  
Wufei: Hey! guys what about me?   
  
Trowa: *picks Wufei up and throws him over his shoulder with less respect than he would show a sack of potatoes* I'm driving since little woman is sooo hurt!  
  
*everyone packs into the tiny clown car and drives to Sally's*  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*everyone jumps out of the toy car and starts walking towards the big ass building that Sally works in*   
  
Wufei: crap I forgot she's on the fiftieth floor!  
  
Trowa:*shrugs so violently almost throws Wufei off of his shoulder*  
  
*everyone walks into the building and into the elevator that takes them to the fiftieth floor and results in another Wufei nosebleed*  
  
Wufei:*starts getting dizzy again*  
  
Duo:*throws another box of kleenex at Wufei* Hey! you know Trowa that might not be the best position for Wufei to be in don't you think!   
  
Trowa:*shrugs again, this time he does throw Wufei off of his shoulder* Then you carry the bastard!  
  
Wufei:DON'T YOU DARE*screams when Duo picks him up* INJUSTICE! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT-  
  
Heero: either you shut the hell up or I am going to stop this elevator and throw you out of the nearest window! since we are only twenty-two stories up I doubt you will live!  
  
Wufei: But you jumped out of the 50th story window and only broke your leg!  
  
Heero: Yes, but you are weak.  
  
Elevator: DING!  
  
Duo: *singing in a high falsetto* On the road again!   
  
Heero: Omae o korosu, shut up baka.  
  
Duo: *blows raspberry*  
  
Wufei: *attempts to backhand Duo but fails horribly because of the massive amounts of blood loss*  
  
Trowa: *knocks Heero and Duo's heads together only hard enough to hurt* Lets just get this over with.  
  
Overvoice: Will Wufei ever stop bleeding through his nasal passage? What would happen if he did not? Who was that masked tree with violent intentions? Why are we using so many Endless Waltz quotes? Will Quatre ever speak again? Will we ever shut up? Find out next time on Is It Possible to Get Medication for Nosebleeds?!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Gundam Wing, Kleenex, clown cars, Endless Waltz or it's quotes. We do own the violent tree though, his identity will be revealed later. 


End file.
